Until last week i’d never heard of the term emotional affair.. I just thought if you had an affair it was a physical thing really, but I did realize that perhaps being friends with someone who is married of the opposite sex, maybe isn’t perfect either. Although I suppose it doesn’t have to be of the opposite sex all the time either… Saying that I know talking about intimate feeling with my friends is different to having the same conversations with someone you haven’t organically met either. I do also think that its unfair that society says you cant be friends with someone of the opposite sex and just get on well and both know that you will never be anything more. Your partner is never going to have everything you are attracted to in terms of personalities and you should have outlets to vent, have banter with and basically grow your thoughts and opinions…
So saying all this I’m sure you are thinking where has this come from and I was listening to a podcast from Katherine Ryan the other day called “Telling Everybody Everything” and someone had written her an email on this topic and she was outranged about it. It got me thinking about a “relationship” and or “relationships” i have had with past with people. I’m quite an open person, I talk to anyone really and if I find someone interesting – I want to be around them and I want to talk to them and is there a rule when you say your vows “you must never talk to anyone new ever again who might improve your life”? no there is not, so why cant a man or a woman who has a ring on their finger, ever talk to anyone outside their clicky married group again?. Actually I’m sure people don’t need to be married, probably just don’t be one of those single ones and you are free to talk to whomever you like…
I completely appreciate there is a line you shouldn’t cross in terms of sexual conversations, think about them all the time when in your “real” life or it be something that you want to progress in the future, but can you not be friends with someone else who just happens to be married? Why do you have to only be friends with people you work with, have met before you got married or just be friends with friends partners – although in some peoples eyes that can be muddy situations too. Like I get on with my friends husbands, but would they be happy if there husbands spoke to me everyday because I was interesting or we had a laugh – probably not. Have I ever looked at people at work and thought to myself – oh they are married or attached, they shouldn’t be that close or be hanging out as much. Yes I have and that’s really bad – people should be able just hang and enjoy other peoples personalities and not be about to jump the bones off of someone.
Its funny because i have gay friends and if i spoke to one more than the other because i was friends with her first or we got on better, would her partner get upset because we talk all the time or would they have to tell the other one they were saying hi to me everyday.. I wouldn’t have thought so. They might mention it, but would the jumping to conclusions on whether we were having an emotional affair happen – no.. Would they even think it was an emotional affair or would they just think its a friendship… Maybe its different with gay couples in terms of trust or honesty or even just the whole thing.
In conclusion i totally appreciate all views and think its a tricky situation and someone will probably get hurt if its not a complete platonic relationship, but I still think its nice to “meet” all kinds of people in the world even if just for a snippet of your life but I would not want anyone to feel uncomfortable or get in the way of someone’s relationship.. Its perhaps not a clear cut situation for anyone. Honesty is maybe the best policy in everything we do..
Single girl in the Suburbs 