Tag Archives: single

2017 so far! 

I can only apologise for the lack of posts recently – I just haven’t had the omph to write one (although I have written one in my head a hundred times! )- plus I think this year has been a omph lacking year so far but let me tell you why! 

This year 5 people I am close to have lost parents and I’m not great with death and upset unfortunately and it just makes me freak out about my own parents, to whom I am very close to! firstly my best friend from uni’s dad died after a battle with cancer. I love my friend and her family and they have been through so much it’s heartbreaking to watch and when you want to support your friend it will effect you. Then my uncle died from a freak accident – he lived in northern Cyprus and to not be able to say goodbye or see your family at this time again takes its toll. However most recently another best friend lost her mum in not very nice circumstance and she really shouldn’t have gone so young. When you have a very similar relationship with your own mum, it literally upset me more than I could deem possible. My saving grace is I have both my parents – unfortunately my friend now has none. She also has battled with being single for years and yes now is in a nice relationship  but when you have been single for so long before, you worry about being alone again and you also get more upset that your parents won’t see you build this future with them included. Well this is how I would feel. I worry so much about it just being me – I rely on my parents so much for just being there regardless of how much I might have friends around or family. This is why I worry about my friends so much! I don’t want them to feel alone and I want them to know I am there for them.

Anyway to continue my 2017 story – a week after that death, another friend lost her mum and most recently a childhood friend lost her dad. It’s totally mental and I do know my parents are fit and healthy and seem much younger than they are, but it doesn’t stop me from being in this stupa this year. It doesn’t help that vitamins aren’t staying in my body (a side story to B12 deficiency) and I’m tired all the time or I feel the majority of my friends are the most self centred people  ever this year (obviously not including the people who have gone through this heart ache!) I get everyone has a life but seriously I give up trying sometimes. Maybe they feel I am self centre too or shouldn’t have to rely on them for company at this age who knows! 

So this brings me on to dating and why my lack of dating or even bothering to talk to anyone this year! I just don’t have the omph or the tolerance or have become so bloody old I give up for a bit! The thing is with dating you have to be at your best because it’s so hard. It takes a lot out of you, it’s exhausting and emotionally fucks up your head sometimes. A guy started an argument with me yesterday online because I didn’t reply to him and when he pushed it – I just said I think we are looking for different things to which he then just threw abuse  at me ! He clearly got blocked and anyone else I was talking to was looked at in a different light and not really spoken to again. I swear I attract fuckwits. 

So the rest of the year I can only hope gets better, I don’t dwell on the past and everyone starts to heal! Oh and I get some energy in me and vitamins somehow start to stick! 😬 Autumn is better for dates anyway! Haha 

What does an online profile say?

Obviously everyone goes by the photos to start with and if they look quite nice you open the profile fully and take a read! Every profile set up is slightly different depending on what site you are on! One might give you a compatibility score with a guy, one might let you tell them everything about you in terms of height (obviously most important thing to women), marriage material, just want a f**k buddy, no details, linked to your Facebook or Instagram profiles etc. Etc. But what does the profile say about that elusive potential….

  • So there is the guy who wants a lover but not love = clearly a fancy way of saying they want a f**k buddy and could be married already or perhaps has been hurt in the past and just wants a no commitment thing for now! Commitment issues… 😬
  • Then there is the guy who is seperated! These poor guys could have been seperated for years for all I know but I instantly think; is he on the rebound or is it too early for him to be going out and meeting someone! 
  • The guy who bangs on about looks not being important – sorry but surely that’s crap because the first thing you judge people on online is their photo! So for you to click further you need to go yep or nope to that person! Unless they look at every profile I suppose! Who knows! 
  • The guy who puts no details about their job! What are you trying to hide!? Who cares what you do – I can select that you earn a certain amount if I really want anyway and then you will come up in my search! Yes yes it’s that fickle online!  In a bar you wouldn’t ask someone how much money they earn before talking to them but on online you pretty much can!  Although that goes back to my previous post when I guy was so eager to find out how much I earn’t – who cares! 
  • The guy who says they come from the whole county! Is that not a bit weird! It instantly makes me think you live in a dodgy area and you are ashamed! Silly if you ask me! Plus counties are massive – Hampshire is like an hour drive to get to some places! Plus I live on the Berkshire, Surrey, Hampshire boarder – so giving me a county is redic! 
  • The I’m not telling if I have a child – clearly you have one
  • The I’m not telling if I have a car – clearly you don’t, but you might have a bike! Just say if you don’t have one! Weird not too! 

The only answer I think I get when people are a bit unsure is the kid thing and the marriage thing! No one wants to be too eager and not everyone knows if they want children and if it happens it happens especially as we all get so bloody old – who knows if we can have children or when we will meet someone if we will be really really bloody old and can’t have them by then! And marriage, well again you wouldn’t go up to a potential in a bar and go: “do you ever want to get married” might depend on the person or they just might not see the point! My parents have been married for over 45 years and I’m not sure I can be bothered to get married – what is the need really? A house is a commitment, children are commitment, but I would quite like a Pink diamond engagement ring! Mmmmm! Lol

Anyway it’s bloody difficult this perfect profile thing – maybe we (as in the online dating community) need to be more open minded on lots of profiles and just go with your gut on if that person seems like one you want to meet! To be fair you might start chatting to one and they end up being blah anyway (totally happened last week and he had such potential but bloody hell he asked no questions and didn’t do anything with his life! – bore) Boys can be a bit blah you know! Clearly it’s all them as I’m so funny, beautiful and amazing! Ha 

Anyway back to the boy shopping! Ooooo I just got a message from an Adam…..

Boys Opening messages – really? What’s wrong with hello! 

I get it it’s hard to start the ball rolling in any conversation but if you were in a pub and was talking to a girl would you start with: “I have really long foreskin – how do you feel about it?” If this situation happened – a) I’d hope I was very drunk and so was he and b) this so wouldn’t happen in a pub! So why does a guy online feel this is an appropriate opener!? Then he gets funny because I’m the most honest person in the world and I ask him (very politely) if he says this to all the girls and does he think this is appropriate! Anyway he blocked me! He also blocked me cause he insisted I got “kik” to message on! Urrmm I thought the whole point of online was that you had a platform to talk on before you gave out numbers! Why would I need kik as well! Clearly hiding something or he was embarrassed of being online! Anyway I don’t want kik! 

Another guy messaged me to ask if I missed sex! Very kind of him to think about me but no need! He did do the hi how are you first but then asked me who I lived with! Weird! I’m 37 – I’d like to think most people (if they don’t live in London or perhaps if they have baggage) would live on their own by now or maybe I just want to go out with some one who does! 

Another guy didn’t quite tell me this on an opening message but in a few exchanges after that his mum has cancer and she is dying! Wow why would you tell a stranger that! Is that not a bit too early! And far from romantic! 

Clearly I am attracting the wrong guys or guys in my area are so weird it’s rediculous! It is funny though because there is always the bondage guy who pops up and looks at your profile! He is looking for a new lady who he can dominate! Funny he doesn’t actually show a picture of himself encase “work colleagues” see! hmmm I think it’s just because he is a Middle Aged fat bold guy who you really wouldn’t want to go near! Random! 

Anyway back to it – who knows a nice one might come along or that random meet down the supermarket aisle is surely on the cards! 😂

Happy Friday

Random dating people 

In the past few weeks I think I have spoken to a lot of randoms! I felt I needed to document them as just to prove to the world I do try and meet guys but every random messages me! 

In no particular order: 

  • The guy who messaged with “Hey You’re a cutie!” I’m not being funny but I’m 37 on Friday! I’m far from being a 5 year old who is a cutie!
  • The same guy went on to make sexual comments and basically telling me we lived so close – he’ll get a bottle of wine and come over! Urmmm I haven’t met you on a date and we just said hello pretty much! He then blocked me! Weird
  • Another guy today asked me how much money I earned! I replied that I wasn’t sure if that was a question you should ask and he replied with “yeah it is – I earn xxx a year!. How much do you earn because I think I don’t earn enough!” So I earn double what he does and clearly I didn’t tell him but diplomatically pointed out it depends on industries etc! How is that an appropriate question to ask? 
  • Then there was the guy who message me at 10.15am Saturday morning with “hey” or something like that! Then at 10.36am he messaged “aren’t you a chatter” Then he blocked me! Seriously I went out for the day and was busy – I didn’t realise my whole aim for Saturday was to message a random back! 
  • Then there is just all the random messages like “You’re astonishingly good looking” (seriously) “Your beautiful, I could fall in love with your face” (Really?) Or “Wow your gorgeous!” I get they want to make a first impression but seriously how is that an opening line – a boring hello, how are you would be better in my book! 

So anyway with the amazing chat up line and guys lined up – my 37th birthday will definitely be one where I am single and happy about it if that’s all that is available! 😂

Why do the randoms get back in touch?

Not sure if this happens to everyone but this always happens to me and I know it’s happened to a friend of mine before too! If you have been off and on online dating for a while you always see the guys you might have been on a date with in the past or you have spoken to in the past! Standard as everyone has the same goal but why do boys find the need to have to get in touch with you again after months or even years? 

The thing is I would never go oh let’s talk to so and so because we went on a date previously, it didn’t work out but we must try again! I just don’t see the need – there was obviously a reason it didn’t work previously! However boys are different – randomly out of the blue I either get random texts on whatsapp or I will see a guy I have been on a date with on a site and look at their profile (I’m nosey) and then 5 minutes later I always get a message from that person! 

On one occasion I went on a date with one guy I had been on a date with 6 months before – we then saw each other for a but but seriously there was no need! So why do I end up replying to these guys and getting into the situation where I have to either go on a date with someone I don’t want to or having to have that awkward convo of sacking them off! Why don’t I just leave well alone! My new tactic is not really to be too interested and hope they get bored! The ones you want to get in touch never do which is irritating! 

Anyway if anyone knows why guys see the need to get in touch randomly – please let me know! If a girl did it – I swear guys would think they are needy or obsessed or something! Datings a funny old world! 

Happy V Day! 

What does your name say about you! 

When you meet a guy on line – you might not know there name as they have come up its the most rediculous username which gives no clue at all! Don’t get me wrong women are the same – I’ve had many random names over the years and not many have ever just been lisa! 

But when these prospects or potentials reveal their names I sometimes judge way too much! Funny because before they reveal their name I think they are potential and then after I can totally be turned off by the idea of continuing to talk to them! I know this sounds bad but let me explain…

So a name like Pete or Ben are pretty solid names right – nothing offensive! But something like Robin – you think of someone a bit woosy! Haha or Dave you think of as a bit common but David is perfectly acceptable! James is again a perfectly acceptable name but what do you think if Martin? – perhaps a bit dull or a bit of a bore! Omg online dating makes you think way too much! If you were in a work meeting or out out and a guy called Martin introduced themselves and he was the coolest guy ever – you so wouldn’t think about this! Like if you met a Wayne is real life & he was a posh boy, would you automatically go oh but he must be a wide boy as well!? To be fair I know a Wayne and he is totally not a wide boy! 

I’m sure guys must think the same, like if you met an Alison or a Sally they must think they are just nice girls – lisa is probably a nice girl name too, but something like Roxanne is a cool name and surely she is cool! 

Anyway I’ve come to the conclusion I need to be more open minded,  a name isn’t who someone is, but it still doesn’t stop me judging straight away on that person! Maybe this is why my cat has a posh name (Henry), as I didn’t want anyone judging me/him if I called he biscuit! Stupid cat name! Haha sorry sis! X

Wedding etiquette when you are single

I love weddings and I’m fortunate to usually have at least one a year! I have also been a bridesmaid 5 times and read readings and been a witness a few times too! I love being part of the special couples days and I love a good fascinator! I think I get invited to more weddings because I am single too – it’s easier to fit one more in a wedding than 2 & I have always declined taking a plus one anyway as I think people spend enough money on a wedding than having to pay more out on someone they don’t know! Plus can you imagine looking back on wedding photos and going oh yes that was so and so’s bit at the time or that was just a random who came with Lisa! Plus I have never majorly know people have space for extras at weddings anyway! Numbers are always limited! 

Overseas weddings can be tricky! One of my best friends got married in Santorini quite a few years back and there was never any question about a plus one, she just hooked me up with one of her other friends who would go on her own and who I sort of knew but didn’t know know and we were roomies! By the end of the holiday/wedding we were really goodfriends and now I would class her as one of my favourite people and a really close friend! 

Another wedding I went to was in the states, again no plus one and the brides had plans for everyone and were thinking of all people going, like who they could share with at the hen in Vegas, when people were getting there, who would stay with who at the family location and again who would then all share what accommodation at the wedding venue! It was so well organised you didn’t need a plus one and regardless of being in a couple or being on your own – everyone just had fun and there was always someone to talk to! My mum actually jumped on the bandwagon of the wedding and was invited in the end but didn’t come to all of it and regardless of her being there or not, I think the experience would have still been the same as it was a bunch of really nice people I barely knew from all over the world! 

I received a wedding invite on Friday for a wedding in South Africa next year and it says you can bring a plus one! Regardless of me not really believing in plus ones – I think I might need one on this occasion! It’s weird we are a group of friends & not everyone is in a couple but my other single friend is totally different to me and lining up a plus one where I actually probably don’t have anyone who could go! My friends are pretty much either married or have children or both! Plus SA isn’t like just popping to Spain! It’s a big holiday to expect friends of the happy couple to attend, let alone a random who doesn’t really know them! This is one instance where if you had a boyfriend it would be just something you wouldn’t even have to think about – you would both probably just go if you could afford it! 

So like normal I could just go stag which if anywhere else in the world I probably would, however the wedding venue is 2 hours from Cape Town, there doesn’t seem to be any set in stone plans or advice on how you are meant to get there except if people arrive on the same day – they could maybe car pool! I can’t just jump in a cab, I can’t organise some transfer as it is miles away and who knows if SA even does transfers and I can’t I presume as a single white female hire a car on my own to travel on dirt tracks (like the outback I presume) to get there! I’m sure my friends who are going could go on the same day and we then all travel together but the people I know are bridesmaids and the bridal party all have plans together! So I don’t want to be the spare wheel in that either! So this is my predicament right now and the only time really that I felt upset that I don’t have a partner to be there in this situation! Maybe my new tag line on these dating sites needs to be “I need a plus one for SA – who’s up for it?!” If anyone has any ideas – please let me know! I do have time to figure it out and obviously talk to the bride, as I do think it would be an amazing wedding and wouldn’t want to miss a friend getting married! We’ll see – as I say the invite only came in on Friday!