Tag Archives: relationships

Is it because I’m single that I work long hours? 

It’s come to my attention that if you are single or at least don’t have children, you end up working longer than colleagues who do have children. Now this might be controversial and I’m sure it isn’t the case in every office, every job or for everyone, but I think it might be true.

In my company there is a lot of 30/40 something women/men who have children, are married or are attached. Due to having children they obviously have other priorities and commitments and rush off from the office either early or on time. Mostly early! They might also come into the office after drop off to school and leave earlier to get say child from after school clubs, child minders etc. So they get paid the same as me (or probably as I don’t really know), they are contracted to do the same hours as me, however come in late and leave early and obviously take time out for doctors appointments for the children, take time out to see a child’s play and just generally have more time out of the “office”. Is this fair or is this just expected these days? 

I know that most colleagues or friends do work again after the children are in bed, but do they still work as hard or as long as say a single person, who gets in early and leaves later -like I do? Maybe they are better at managing their time or maybe the expectations from bosses is that due to them having children they should have a better work/life balance. Who knows, but it is an unwritten rule that it is ok to come and go whenever and work from home whenever too. 

With all this said I know the people who do actually go to part time working hours after having a kid, do actually end up trying to fit in full time responsibilities in part time hours which is unfair too. 

I did actually ask someone what their thoughts were and she didn’t have children and lived in the states, but was married. She said she thought she finished work more on time now to get home to spend time with her husband, whilst before she would just stay and finish a piece of work etc. 

Unless I have plans I very rarely leave at 5.30 – I keep working until I am in a happy stopping place or my inbox is at a manageable state. When I’m on a work from home day – I usually put some dinner in the oven at 5.30/6 and then carry on working again until I have got to where I need to be for the next day. I suppose if I needed to do dinner for children – I too would probably log back on at 8pm, but when I have done this in the past, I’m not sure I’m that productive or on top form at that time, as I’m tired by then and need to switch off. 

In terms of just being in a relationship or living with someone – maybe it isn’t the fact that people leave on time to make sure they see their partner, maybe both people in the relationship work longer hours or maybe it’s like they have something to do each night which is better than working – so they manage their workload better or maybe it doesn’t matter if you are single or attached – it boils down to your work ethics, your personality, your boss, whether your boss is in a relationship or not, or basically a number of factors. My bosses never really batter an eyelid when I work late but is that because my boss is in the states and the time difference isn’t realised or is it because they know I’m single! Who knows…

To be fair except for the colleagues  who insist on taking time off when ever they want, I’m sure as long as we all get the job done and have equal pay and opportunities – I’m sure it doesn’t matter whether you are single, are in a relationship or have children….. 

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Damn you Mr potential

You know when you click with someone online, you think – yep you tick a box: 

  • You are quite funny,
  • Have good banter, 
  • Live in the area,
  • Know people I know,
  • Grew up like I did,
  • Good values, 
  • Seem like you might be fit,
  • Aren’t a hermit,
  • Might have your own life – hobbies, friends blah blah blah 

Then…. it all goes wrong or quiet.. 

it’s so frustrating when this happens and you haven’t even met the person. So the story goes.. 

I matched with a guy on tinder (standard, no one takes it seriously) You start chatting and asking questions. You realise the person grew up in the same village as you, went to the same schools as you, knows people you do – you chat about life, loves, travel, history etc. And have some chemistry. This goes on for a few days. You then swap numbers because he wanted to mainly. You chat over text a lot that day. Then you send a last text and then silence.

You leave it and think maybe he’s busy, then still nothing. You see somewhere you have spoken about – text to say and nothing. Now at this point I should really know the score and I do, but it’s so irritating. Obviously I do not text him again! Why would I – why would anyone make a fool out of yourself – everyone knows the score – that’s the wonderful world of ghosting and online dating. However… 

Because it really annoys me and because I am a nice person and probably to prove a point and to show I am a nice person I text.. 

Just “Hey – you obviously changed your mind about matching (he unmatched me in the meantime on Twitter) hope you find what you are looking for. Lxx

Hahaha he replied… 

apparently his circumstances have changed somewhat!!! Seriously – he clearly was either talking to someone or was rekindling with someone and keeping his options open. 

Anyway I just replied with “hope everything works out for you”! Why am I so nice – I obviously don’t think this… I think he is a douche and what a waste of a week of messaging! 

Funny he then replied with “sorry I’m not a douche bag hence making the decision” well clearly you are mate – you didn’t have the balls to text me! I didn’t reply. I deleted the texts, deleted his number and will clearly go back on tinder. I’m sure there is a better one out there for my 38th year! 

5 things which would be easier if I wasn’t single

Not sure how all you singletons feel all the time about doing everything on your own. I certainly am quite independent and confident but I was thinking yesterday about the following things that would just be easier if there was more than one of you. 

So I believe the following would be easier if you were in a relationship:

  1. Going to events
  2. Sharing bills
  3. Sharing chores
  4. Hang time
  5. Life admin

So let me explain them..

Going to events

I do not mind going to parties and events on my own, however sometimes going to an event where it is full of couples or families and then little old me turns up on my own and looks like billy no mates – isn’t fun. My other bug bare is that you always have to drive and never get the option to drink at one of these do’s, which would clearly make things better sometimes! Haha! Obviously I could be that annoying spare part who could stay over at people’s but that’s just annoying and ruins everyone’s weekends! 

Sharing bills

When you have to be an adult and it is socially unacceptable to live at the rents, you have to either rent or buy a place. I brought my first property at 26 & admittedly my parents were very helpful in the beginning but you know I think they always thought I might meet someone who might eventually share my bills. Instead I had to work hard in my career to pay those pesky bills. I’d like to buy more designer handbags each year though and not have to think – pay back new kitchen or buy something nice for me. Plus paying a mortgage of over £900 a month is a lot for one person. 

Sharing chores

I know there is only one of me but regardless of how many people in a household, you still have to clean the same space and do all the same chores. Having to clean, cut the grass, take the bins out, cook every night (ok I don’t stay in every night but that’s not the point!) dust, Hoover, food shop (so boring when you are gluten free) etc etc.. It would just be nice not too have to work all week and have to do all this sometimes too.

Hang time

I like my own company, I sound really boring but staying in sometimes, cooking dinner and watching tele or a movie is nice. I also like going shopping on my own etc, but sometimes, just sometimes I’d like to hang with someone and not have to call on a friend or make an effort and just have someone at home to chill with. 

Life admin

OMG does anyone like life admin? Seriously I have enough admin at work to do let alone have to work out what remortgage I am going for, whether Henry the cat should have annual injections or cat insurance, book tickets for the cinema, pay bills, work out what home, car, life etc insurance is best. The list goes on! This week I have had to look for the best deal on car tyres and brakes. It’s a chore and yes my dad is taking my car to have these things done, but I still had to price compare garages as he doesn’t see this as a priority and would just go where his mate tells him is good regardless of the price. To me this is surely a boy job & if there was two of you  – this wouldn’t have to be done by me. Although a friend of mine had car issues this week and her husband was away and she had to deal with a bit of the issue, but no doubt her husband will do the rest when he is back. Not jealous at all – I’d have to fix the whole issue! It’s just annoying! Haha

Anyway these are my bug bares and yes I do realise boys who are single have to do everything too, lots of relationships aren’t more simple as one person will do more than the other and gay couples – have to still do boy or girl jobs anyway! What are your bug bares about being single? 

Boomerang

So it’s happened again – guys from the past getting in touch because they are redic. 

Let me tell you my latest story and you are welcome to refer back to Randoms get back in touch as the same guy has got in touch again. 

Basically he was on tinder – so I swiped right just to see if he would too. He had. I messaged eventually “hey stranger, how are you?” He deleted his profile! Random! So I went into Facebook and did a little digging – looks like he might be seeing someone! Idiot! A week later, surprise surprise he pops up on tinder again with the message in his profile of: If we match again, I’ll message you, sorry! Clearly for me! I’m intrigued to find out what he is up to. We match! What a surprise! He messages his favourite Christmas movies (standing joke about Christmas movies) and I reply obviously telling him he is wrong. So I ask if he is single! Apparently he is. So I ask him why Facebook looks like he isn’t? He says he was seeing someone, not anymore, blah blah blah! It’s totally recent or he fucked up or something! By this point I’m just honest and tell him it’s odd! What do I have to lose! 

Anyway… 

After more messaging, He says fancy a drink? I’m like meh! Might as well… Wrongly or rightly – I’m nosey and want to find out what has happened and a night out might be fun! Haha! 

Drink day! I get a message saying he is terribly Sick with a cold and can’t make it! Clearly a lucky escape for me! 

That evening he is texting and tells me he is moving up north! Random – why meet for a drink but hey! He is also telling me I’m amazing, wish we were on a date and getting a bit flirty and pervy! Whatever it’s all funny to me. 

The next day – he is out with his mates by lunchtime! Clearly he wasn’t I’ll and decided nothing was going to happen on our supposed date. He starts basically saying to come over, i’m amazing in bed, amazing body, blah blah blah! Clearly I am far too sensible and say no, but a drink one night is still cool! 

The following week he is still being flirty and pretty much sexting! Still telling me I’m amazing etc. Then I mention the drink again and funnily he then tells me we want different things, he wants some fun before he goes up north and basically wants a shag! Makes out I’m desperate for a child and he can’t possibly have another one! Anyway I basically told him it wasn’t going to happen, he realised he fucked up and I told him – thanks for the blog post! Haha

The moral of the story is: leave it in the past! If it didn’t work out the first or second time – let’s not go for the third, forth or fifth go! Boys don’t change and there is a reason it never worked out originally anyway! Yes we do want different things! 

Stay tuned for the next instalment of “mister won’t leave it alone” in about a years times! 😂

What does an online profile say?

Obviously everyone goes by the photos to start with and if they look quite nice you open the profile fully and take a read! Every profile set up is slightly different depending on what site you are on! One might give you a compatibility score with a guy, one might let you tell them everything about you in terms of height (obviously most important thing to women), marriage material, just want a f**k buddy, no details, linked to your Facebook or Instagram profiles etc. Etc. But what does the profile say about that elusive potential….

  • So there is the guy who wants a lover but not love = clearly a fancy way of saying they want a f**k buddy and could be married already or perhaps has been hurt in the past and just wants a no commitment thing for now! Commitment issues… 😬
  • Then there is the guy who is seperated! These poor guys could have been seperated for years for all I know but I instantly think; is he on the rebound or is it too early for him to be going out and meeting someone! 
  • The guy who bangs on about looks not being important – sorry but surely that’s crap because the first thing you judge people on online is their photo! So for you to click further you need to go yep or nope to that person! Unless they look at every profile I suppose! Who knows! 
  • The guy who puts no details about their job! What are you trying to hide!? Who cares what you do – I can select that you earn a certain amount if I really want anyway and then you will come up in my search! Yes yes it’s that fickle online!  In a bar you wouldn’t ask someone how much money they earn before talking to them but on online you pretty much can!  Although that goes back to my previous post when I guy was so eager to find out how much I earn’t – who cares! 
  • The guy who says they come from the whole county! Is that not a bit weird! It instantly makes me think you live in a dodgy area and you are ashamed! Silly if you ask me! Plus counties are massive – Hampshire is like an hour drive to get to some places! Plus I live on the Berkshire, Surrey, Hampshire boarder – so giving me a county is redic! 
  • The I’m not telling if I have a child – clearly you have one
  • The I’m not telling if I have a car – clearly you don’t, but you might have a bike! Just say if you don’t have one! Weird not too! 

The only answer I think I get when people are a bit unsure is the kid thing and the marriage thing! No one wants to be too eager and not everyone knows if they want children and if it happens it happens especially as we all get so bloody old – who knows if we can have children or when we will meet someone if we will be really really bloody old and can’t have them by then! And marriage, well again you wouldn’t go up to a potential in a bar and go: “do you ever want to get married” might depend on the person or they just might not see the point! My parents have been married for over 45 years and I’m not sure I can be bothered to get married – what is the need really? A house is a commitment, children are commitment, but I would quite like a Pink diamond engagement ring! Mmmmm! Lol

Anyway it’s bloody difficult this perfect profile thing – maybe we (as in the online dating community) need to be more open minded on lots of profiles and just go with your gut on if that person seems like one you want to meet! To be fair you might start chatting to one and they end up being blah anyway (totally happened last week and he had such potential but bloody hell he asked no questions and didn’t do anything with his life! – bore) Boys can be a bit blah you know! Clearly it’s all them as I’m so funny, beautiful and amazing! Ha 

Anyway back to the boy shopping! Ooooo I just got a message from an Adam…..

Boys Opening messages – really? What’s wrong with hello! 

I get it it’s hard to start the ball rolling in any conversation but if you were in a pub and was talking to a girl would you start with: “I have really long foreskin – how do you feel about it?” If this situation happened – a) I’d hope I was very drunk and so was he and b) this so wouldn’t happen in a pub! So why does a guy online feel this is an appropriate opener!? Then he gets funny because I’m the most honest person in the world and I ask him (very politely) if he says this to all the girls and does he think this is appropriate! Anyway he blocked me! He also blocked me cause he insisted I got “kik” to message on! Urrmm I thought the whole point of online was that you had a platform to talk on before you gave out numbers! Why would I need kik as well! Clearly hiding something or he was embarrassed of being online! Anyway I don’t want kik! 

Another guy messaged me to ask if I missed sex! Very kind of him to think about me but no need! He did do the hi how are you first but then asked me who I lived with! Weird! I’m 37 – I’d like to think most people (if they don’t live in London or perhaps if they have baggage) would live on their own by now or maybe I just want to go out with some one who does! 

Another guy didn’t quite tell me this on an opening message but in a few exchanges after that his mum has cancer and she is dying! Wow why would you tell a stranger that! Is that not a bit too early! And far from romantic! 

Clearly I am attracting the wrong guys or guys in my area are so weird it’s rediculous! It is funny though because there is always the bondage guy who pops up and looks at your profile! He is looking for a new lady who he can dominate! Funny he doesn’t actually show a picture of himself encase “work colleagues” see! hmmm I think it’s just because he is a Middle Aged fat bold guy who you really wouldn’t want to go near! Random! 

Anyway back to it – who knows a nice one might come along or that random meet down the supermarket aisle is surely on the cards! 😂

Happy Friday

Random dating people 

In the past few weeks I think I have spoken to a lot of randoms! I felt I needed to document them as just to prove to the world I do try and meet guys but every random messages me! 

In no particular order: 

  • The guy who messaged with “Hey You’re a cutie!” I’m not being funny but I’m 37 on Friday! I’m far from being a 5 year old who is a cutie!
  • The same guy went on to make sexual comments and basically telling me we lived so close – he’ll get a bottle of wine and come over! Urmmm I haven’t met you on a date and we just said hello pretty much! He then blocked me! Weird
  • Another guy today asked me how much money I earned! I replied that I wasn’t sure if that was a question you should ask and he replied with “yeah it is – I earn xxx a year!. How much do you earn because I think I don’t earn enough!” So I earn double what he does and clearly I didn’t tell him but diplomatically pointed out it depends on industries etc! How is that an appropriate question to ask? 
  • Then there was the guy who message me at 10.15am Saturday morning with “hey” or something like that! Then at 10.36am he messaged “aren’t you a chatter” Then he blocked me! Seriously I went out for the day and was busy – I didn’t realise my whole aim for Saturday was to message a random back! 
  • Then there is just all the random messages like “You’re astonishingly good looking” (seriously) “Your beautiful, I could fall in love with your face” (Really?) Or “Wow your gorgeous!” I get they want to make a first impression but seriously how is that an opening line – a boring hello, how are you would be better in my book! 

So anyway with the amazing chat up line and guys lined up – my 37th birthday will definitely be one where I am single and happy about it if that’s all that is available! 😂