Category Archives: Dating

5 things which would be easier if I wasn’t single

Not sure how all you singletons feel all the time about doing everything on your own. I certainly am quite independent and confident but I was thinking yesterday about the following things that would just be easier if there was more than one of you. 

So I believe the following would be easier if you were in a relationship:

  1. Going to events
  2. Sharing bills
  3. Sharing chores
  4. Hang time
  5. Life admin

So let me explain them..

Going to events

I do not mind going to parties and events on my own, however sometimes going to an event where it is full of couples or families and then little old me turns up on my own and looks like billy no mates – isn’t fun. My other bug bare is that you always have to drive and never get the option to drink at one of these do’s, which would clearly make things better sometimes! Haha! Obviously I could be that annoying spare part who could stay over at people’s but that’s just annoying and ruins everyone’s weekends! 

Sharing bills

When you have to be an adult and it is socially unacceptable to live at the rents, you have to either rent or buy a place. I brought my first property at 26 & admittedly my parents were very helpful in the beginning but you know I think they always thought I might meet someone who might eventually share my bills. Instead I had to work hard in my career to pay those pesky bills. I’d like to buy more designer handbags each year though and not have to think – pay back new kitchen or buy something nice for me. Plus paying a mortgage of over £900 a month is a lot for one person. 

Sharing chores

I know there is only one of me but regardless of how many people in a household, you still have to clean the same space and do all the same chores. Having to clean, cut the grass, take the bins out, cook every night (ok I don’t stay in every night but that’s not the point!) dust, Hoover, food shop (so boring when you are gluten free) etc etc.. It would just be nice not too have to work all week and have to do all this sometimes too.

Hang time

I like my own company, I sound really boring but staying in sometimes, cooking dinner and watching tele or a movie is nice. I also like going shopping on my own etc, but sometimes, just sometimes I’d like to hang with someone and not have to call on a friend or make an effort and just have someone at home to chill with. 

Life admin

OMG does anyone like life admin? Seriously I have enough admin at work to do let alone have to work out what remortgage I am going for, whether Henry the cat should have annual injections or cat insurance, book tickets for the cinema, pay bills, work out what home, car, life etc insurance is best. The list goes on! This week I have had to look for the best deal on car tyres and brakes. It’s a chore and yes my dad is taking my car to have these things done, but I still had to price compare garages as he doesn’t see this as a priority and would just go where his mate tells him is good regardless of the price. To me this is surely a boy job & if there was two of you  – this wouldn’t have to be done by me. Although a friend of mine had car issues this week and her husband was away and she had to deal with a bit of the issue, but no doubt her husband will do the rest when he is back. Not jealous at all – I’d have to fix the whole issue! It’s just annoying! Haha

Anyway these are my bug bares and yes I do realise boys who are single have to do everything too, lots of relationships aren’t more simple as one person will do more than the other and gay couples – have to still do boy or girl jobs anyway! What are your bug bares about being single? 

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Boomerang

So it’s happened again – guys from the past getting in touch because they are redic. 

Let me tell you my latest story and you are welcome to refer back to Randoms get back in touch as the same guy has got in touch again. 

Basically he was on tinder – so I swiped right just to see if he would too. He had. I messaged eventually “hey stranger, how are you?” He deleted his profile! Random! So I went into Facebook and did a little digging – looks like he might be seeing someone! Idiot! A week later, surprise surprise he pops up on tinder again with the message in his profile of: If we match again, I’ll message you, sorry! Clearly for me! I’m intrigued to find out what he is up to. We match! What a surprise! He messages his favourite Christmas movies (standing joke about Christmas movies) and I reply obviously telling him he is wrong. So I ask if he is single! Apparently he is. So I ask him why Facebook looks like he isn’t? He says he was seeing someone, not anymore, blah blah blah! It’s totally recent or he fucked up or something! By this point I’m just honest and tell him it’s odd! What do I have to lose! 

Anyway… 

After more messaging, He says fancy a drink? I’m like meh! Might as well… Wrongly or rightly – I’m nosey and want to find out what has happened and a night out might be fun! Haha! 

Drink day! I get a message saying he is terribly Sick with a cold and can’t make it! Clearly a lucky escape for me! 

That evening he is texting and tells me he is moving up north! Random – why meet for a drink but hey! He is also telling me I’m amazing, wish we were on a date and getting a bit flirty and pervy! Whatever it’s all funny to me. 

The next day – he is out with his mates by lunchtime! Clearly he wasn’t I’ll and decided nothing was going to happen on our supposed date. He starts basically saying to come over, i’m amazing in bed, amazing body, blah blah blah! Clearly I am far too sensible and say no, but a drink one night is still cool! 

The following week he is still being flirty and pretty much sexting! Still telling me I’m amazing etc. Then I mention the drink again and funnily he then tells me we want different things, he wants some fun before he goes up north and basically wants a shag! Makes out I’m desperate for a child and he can’t possibly have another one! Anyway I basically told him it wasn’t going to happen, he realised he fucked up and I told him – thanks for the blog post! Haha

The moral of the story is: leave it in the past! If it didn’t work out the first or second time – let’s not go for the third, forth or fifth go! Boys don’t change and there is a reason it never worked out originally anyway! Yes we do want different things! 

Stay tuned for the next instalment of “mister won’t leave it alone” in about a years times! 😂

2017 so far! 

I can only apologise for the lack of posts recently – I just haven’t had the omph to write one (although I have written one in my head a hundred times! )- plus I think this year has been a omph lacking year so far but let me tell you why! 

This year 5 people I am close to have lost parents and I’m not great with death and upset unfortunately and it just makes me freak out about my own parents, to whom I am very close to! firstly my best friend from uni’s dad died after a battle with cancer. I love my friend and her family and they have been through so much it’s heartbreaking to watch and when you want to support your friend it will effect you. Then my uncle died from a freak accident – he lived in northern Cyprus and to not be able to say goodbye or see your family at this time again takes its toll. However most recently another best friend lost her mum in not very nice circumstance and she really shouldn’t have gone so young. When you have a very similar relationship with your own mum, it literally upset me more than I could deem possible. My saving grace is I have both my parents – unfortunately my friend now has none. She also has battled with being single for years and yes now is in a nice relationship  but when you have been single for so long before, you worry about being alone again and you also get more upset that your parents won’t see you build this future with them included. Well this is how I would feel. I worry so much about it just being me – I rely on my parents so much for just being there regardless of how much I might have friends around or family. This is why I worry about my friends so much! I don’t want them to feel alone and I want them to know I am there for them.

Anyway to continue my 2017 story – a week after that death, another friend lost her mum and most recently a childhood friend lost her dad. It’s totally mental and I do know my parents are fit and healthy and seem much younger than they are, but it doesn’t stop me from being in this stupa this year. It doesn’t help that vitamins aren’t staying in my body (a side story to B12 deficiency) and I’m tired all the time or I feel the majority of my friends are the most self centred people  ever this year (obviously not including the people who have gone through this heart ache!) I get everyone has a life but seriously I give up trying sometimes. Maybe they feel I am self centre too or shouldn’t have to rely on them for company at this age who knows! 

So this brings me on to dating and why my lack of dating or even bothering to talk to anyone this year! I just don’t have the omph or the tolerance or have become so bloody old I give up for a bit! The thing is with dating you have to be at your best because it’s so hard. It takes a lot out of you, it’s exhausting and emotionally fucks up your head sometimes. A guy started an argument with me yesterday online because I didn’t reply to him and when he pushed it – I just said I think we are looking for different things to which he then just threw abuse  at me ! He clearly got blocked and anyone else I was talking to was looked at in a different light and not really spoken to again. I swear I attract fuckwits. 

So the rest of the year I can only hope gets better, I don’t dwell on the past and everyone starts to heal! Oh and I get some energy in me and vitamins somehow start to stick! 😬 Autumn is better for dates anyway! Haha 

Long term relationship verses always being single! 

I wonder; is it worse (and that’s probably a bad word to use but anyway) to have been single on and off and be over 35, than to have been in a relationship for a long time and not to have got married and had kids? 

I’m talking to a guy who has been in two long term relationships and not been married and not had children yet! He is 40 and been in one relationship of 10 years and one of 9! Now you can probably pass the first one as – Young, through the school/uni era – in your 20’s etc, but the second one he would have been in his 30’s,  established etc, how could:

  • A) he not have proposed before 9 years (is this why they ended?!)
  • B) how could you in that time not even perhaps had a mistake and fallen pregnant! (Obviously they could have – I don’t know that)
  • C) I wonder if he actually wants to get married or have children in this case – far too early to be that nosey though 

I know a few guys like this – I have a cousin who has just come back from oz where he lived with his girlfriend for over 10 years and then got to 40 and decided she wasn’t for him! 10 years – that is one long arse time to have not have made future plans together and to have not have had a family or any long term commitment! 

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not one to wait years and years for a relationship to go to the next stage! Perhaps because I’m now over 35, who knows, but I think because I’m impatient I wouldn’t wait 10 years to get pregnant – well I couldn’t now anyway – I’d be a super granny mum! I wonder if guys know this – like they now can’t wait 10 years for a relationship to go to the next stage… They must do I’m sure! 

Anyway so thinking about it – with all the pressure single people get about well frankly being single and questions like; why haven’t you met anyone yet and people telling  you that you should get a move on, find the one, try harder and basically every friend and relative thinking you are some weirdo because you haven’t been with anyone for longer than a minute in your whole adult life – it made me think: People who have been in long term relationships must have all this stigma too, like:

  • Oh there must be something wrong with xxxx as that last girl he was with didn’t work out
  • Why did xxxx not have children yet
  • For years they must have people just saying – why hasn’t xxxx not got married or when are they getting married! 

You can’t win really. If you got married quickly – you would be judged. If you got pregnant before marriage – you could be judge, if you stay with someone too long and not move to the next level – people judge, if you don’t find one you like and don’t put up with not perfect – you are judged, you can’t win. And at over 35 you’ll never have the perfect route to societies perfect idealised relationship – so thank goodness for age on our sides and doing it our way! 

Have I been coeliac all along? 

I have been wheat, gluten and soy intolerant for about 15years or tried to be as in the beginning it wasn’t easy! I’ve had a b12 deficiency for about 18 years but recently my injection hasn’t been working! I have all the symptoms all the time! I’m lucky if I stay up passed 9pm and my face continuously has pins and needles! So I finally spoke to a doctor about it yesterday and I have to eat wheat for the next 4 weeks to be tested for coeliacs. To be tested you have to basically have wheat in you body! Plus I can’t remember if this was ever tested originally so totally worth it. 

So after thinking this would be cool and I can eat all the exciting foods I never eat like a proper Chinese, McDonald’s, fresh amazing bread and proper pizza – I then freaked out it would hurt, I’d be sat on the loo a lot and basically have no life for a month! I went to morrisons and brought some supplies as my house is obviously full of non gluten food! I got fresh bread but got rye, spelt and wheat fresh bread not bite bread. I brought some shortbread, spring rolls and I had monster munch earlier too! I’ve eaten the bread so far and now have a painful tummy – so that’s fun! I think the next month might be spent at home, defo no dates, only time spent with people who really know me and working from home might be the norm! As the tiredness isn’t cured either yet – my bed and I will defo be best mates! 

Anyway I thought I would blog about how I get on and see what ends up being decided on IBS, B12 and being coeliac! I’ll still do online dating but I think it might be a case of if I can go on a date more than anything – although my track record this year has been shite so who really cares! Haha! 

If you do have fab wheat food that I must eat – please share though! 

What does an online profile say?

Obviously everyone goes by the photos to start with and if they look quite nice you open the profile fully and take a read! Every profile set up is slightly different depending on what site you are on! One might give you a compatibility score with a guy, one might let you tell them everything about you in terms of height (obviously most important thing to women), marriage material, just want a f**k buddy, no details, linked to your Facebook or Instagram profiles etc. Etc. But what does the profile say about that elusive potential….

  • So there is the guy who wants a lover but not love = clearly a fancy way of saying they want a f**k buddy and could be married already or perhaps has been hurt in the past and just wants a no commitment thing for now! Commitment issues… 😬
  • Then there is the guy who is seperated! These poor guys could have been seperated for years for all I know but I instantly think; is he on the rebound or is it too early for him to be going out and meeting someone! 
  • The guy who bangs on about looks not being important – sorry but surely that’s crap because the first thing you judge people on online is their photo! So for you to click further you need to go yep or nope to that person! Unless they look at every profile I suppose! Who knows! 
  • The guy who puts no details about their job! What are you trying to hide!? Who cares what you do – I can select that you earn a certain amount if I really want anyway and then you will come up in my search! Yes yes it’s that fickle online!  In a bar you wouldn’t ask someone how much money they earn before talking to them but on online you pretty much can!  Although that goes back to my previous post when I guy was so eager to find out how much I earn’t – who cares! 
  • The guy who says they come from the whole county! Is that not a bit weird! It instantly makes me think you live in a dodgy area and you are ashamed! Silly if you ask me! Plus counties are massive – Hampshire is like an hour drive to get to some places! Plus I live on the Berkshire, Surrey, Hampshire boarder – so giving me a county is redic! 
  • The I’m not telling if I have a child – clearly you have one
  • The I’m not telling if I have a car – clearly you don’t, but you might have a bike! Just say if you don’t have one! Weird not too! 

The only answer I think I get when people are a bit unsure is the kid thing and the marriage thing! No one wants to be too eager and not everyone knows if they want children and if it happens it happens especially as we all get so bloody old – who knows if we can have children or when we will meet someone if we will be really really bloody old and can’t have them by then! And marriage, well again you wouldn’t go up to a potential in a bar and go: “do you ever want to get married” might depend on the person or they just might not see the point! My parents have been married for over 45 years and I’m not sure I can be bothered to get married – what is the need really? A house is a commitment, children are commitment, but I would quite like a Pink diamond engagement ring! Mmmmm! Lol

Anyway it’s bloody difficult this perfect profile thing – maybe we (as in the online dating community) need to be more open minded on lots of profiles and just go with your gut on if that person seems like one you want to meet! To be fair you might start chatting to one and they end up being blah anyway (totally happened last week and he had such potential but bloody hell he asked no questions and didn’t do anything with his life! – bore) Boys can be a bit blah you know! Clearly it’s all them as I’m so funny, beautiful and amazing! Ha 

Anyway back to the boy shopping! Ooooo I just got a message from an Adam…..

Boys Opening messages – really? What’s wrong with hello! 

I get it it’s hard to start the ball rolling in any conversation but if you were in a pub and was talking to a girl would you start with: “I have really long foreskin – how do you feel about it?” If this situation happened – a) I’d hope I was very drunk and so was he and b) this so wouldn’t happen in a pub! So why does a guy online feel this is an appropriate opener!? Then he gets funny because I’m the most honest person in the world and I ask him (very politely) if he says this to all the girls and does he think this is appropriate! Anyway he blocked me! He also blocked me cause he insisted I got “kik” to message on! Urrmm I thought the whole point of online was that you had a platform to talk on before you gave out numbers! Why would I need kik as well! Clearly hiding something or he was embarrassed of being online! Anyway I don’t want kik! 

Another guy messaged me to ask if I missed sex! Very kind of him to think about me but no need! He did do the hi how are you first but then asked me who I lived with! Weird! I’m 37 – I’d like to think most people (if they don’t live in London or perhaps if they have baggage) would live on their own by now or maybe I just want to go out with some one who does! 

Another guy didn’t quite tell me this on an opening message but in a few exchanges after that his mum has cancer and she is dying! Wow why would you tell a stranger that! Is that not a bit too early! And far from romantic! 

Clearly I am attracting the wrong guys or guys in my area are so weird it’s rediculous! It is funny though because there is always the bondage guy who pops up and looks at your profile! He is looking for a new lady who he can dominate! Funny he doesn’t actually show a picture of himself encase “work colleagues” see! hmmm I think it’s just because he is a Middle Aged fat bold guy who you really wouldn’t want to go near! Random! 

Anyway back to it – who knows a nice one might come along or that random meet down the supermarket aisle is surely on the cards! 😂

Happy Friday